So my first semester of college is almost over. It wasn't bad, actually. It was pretty tame and easygoing; I made a couple of new less-than-kind-of-friends who are pretty chill themselves. I've rearranged the order of friends who I had made throughout my high school career, giving what seems to be oodles of attention to those who I had not gotten the opportunity to lavish such attention prior and getting quite fed up with those who seem to have this, 'out of sight, out of mind' sort of deal with our relationship. I can't wholly blame them, since I'd be the same way if I were busy and engaged in other things, but as far as I can tell they're not busy. At all.

I also can't help but realize how little I know anyone. I feel like I know no one, actually. It's a little isolating, but I've been thriving off it. At the very least I know most of myself and not just because I've lived with myself for eighteen years, it's because of my characters, my subsequent children.

I feel like I'm in retrograde though, being in college now. I like having the ultra normal friends, the non-creative ones. The ones that grow up to be nurses or... whatever other normal career there is, but I can't help but feel like I'm getting this backlash from Santa Susana. It's extremely strange. Coming from a school where people could wander around in costume all they wanted and it was considered the norm and then going to a college where no one does that is making me want to dress up and do crazy make up. I never had a desire to stand out before, but now it's this crazy almost obsessive urge to do so. I would pursue it most wholeheartedly, considering my wardrobe is slowly growing in the direction I want it to go, but the problem is-- I don't know how the rest of society will react. Where I personally do not feel like it will be anything different and it is in fact who I am, but I know deep down, there will be a group of people who will then... I don't know, ostracize me? I know it's college, and people should be maturing and readying to become adults or are already adults so they wouldn't be giving it that much thought, but you never know. It's complicated to explain. I want to be myself, but then I don't want to upset the balance of the nice little world I've been creating. I have mixed feelings. I know for one thing, I'll be praised and complimented but on the other hand, there will be this subtle shift from "she's normal" to "she's freaky", perhaps it won't be verbal or visible, but I will feel it.

I can already feel it in my English class, and that's all really just from reading what I've written.

Now that I've gotten most of the updates I wanted to share out of the way, I can get to what I wanted to put down, considering my creative projects. For once, I've found a balance between role play and writing (in the past I have not been able to focus on my own private projects when role playing) and because of this I've been trying to find the time to sit down and write. The problem with this, all of the starting ideas for characters and things have suddenly began to manifest themselves. It's a little unnerving to give a brief thought to something linger on it just a second too long and then all of a sudden realize there's more character's attached to just that one and a whole world plus logic with it to boot. It's nice in the sense all's I have to do is write it down when it comes to mind (though I regret to admit occasionally I haven't done it and lost some character dialog and plot scenes) and half of the work has already been done for me by subconscious or living entities. The down side of it, there's just so much that when I want to sit down and devout myself to one thing for a little while, I've got three other universes vying for my attention. And I know from experience that when I get somewhere with one thing (usually after wrapping my mind around it for more than three hours), I'm too exhausted to open a new document and write whatever it is down. I'm probably going to have to work on it to get myself motivated enough to keep going when that happens but right now it's just a pain. It's like having many little children that all want your attention for the same thing, at once. And for me who wants to write quality things, that is not an easy matter.

In regards to my photography, I've been seriously missing it. I want to go back out and do shoots and try and make more ghetto photography tools, but it's just not the same. I still want a better camera, one that comes with a macro lens, because I have so many ideas I wanna try, but my trusty little friend isn't capable of it. Also, none of my models have that extensive of a wardrobe that will work for the shoots I want to do. I have all the make up and hair products imaginable to make that work out, but as for outfits? And my own clothes wouldn't hang right on people. Maybe if I'm lucky, things will work out fine and I can get my books out there (when I can settle on one and finish it) and buy a nice camera, in between finding a job that won't suck the very life out of me (I know they all tend to do that, but I can hope) and trying to make my way in the world.

I'll try and work on making people extend their wardrobes to accommodate my ideas later.